Sitting here quietly typing with Time Team on the TV, patio doors open, birds twittering and the early evening just drawing in.
Suddenly there was an unearthly deep rumbly whomping sound in the fireplace chimney, I mean really loud.
A few bits of soot rattled down onto the dry pine cones in the grate. The noise stopped, then began again louder, a beating sound. Was the chimney falling down. All I could think of was the cost and the disruption. I went out into the garden but nothing seemed awry on the roof and went back in and then it clicked, a bird had fallen down the chimney pot on the roof and any moment now it would come flying out of the fireplace.
How do you prepare? I did what most women would do I guess and left the room pretty sharpish, closed the door and stood, a little trembly, peeping through to see what was about to happen.
Sure enough the bird, a young starling, shot out of the fireplace flew up and hit the ceiling and fluttered about coming to rest behind the TV. Now what?
I did what a lot of other would do I guess. I got a mop with a long handle and a small towel. Well birds are decended from reptiles are they not and should quieten down when their eyes are covered. I must have seen something about it on TV.
So, creeping slowly, and tensed ready for a hasty retreat I pulled the TV stand away from the wall…slowly..and threw the towel over the bird. Sure enough it went quiet. Now what?
I was going to gently push the towel with bird in towards the open patio door but there were wires in the way.
I retreated to the safety of the kitchen to think things through, when suddenly there was another thump and whoosh. Was that the bird, did it go out or is it still in the lounge?
Luckily, after a thorough inspection it seems to have found it’s own way out.
I’m exhausted. And just glad I have an open fireplace or it would have died.
I’ll hoover up the soot in the morning.
Now where is that big spider I saw earlier.
I tell you it’s a jungle here.